just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's rum buckets o'clock
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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