Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
