I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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