Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
