Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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