6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
FUCK WHALES
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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