Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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