I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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