I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
