If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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