When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
