This is not my ceiling
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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