Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
