Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
