last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
