Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
