You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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