I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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