also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
