I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
