I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
