So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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