I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
