when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
