it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
