if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
