I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
