omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
