Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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