Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
