don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
