I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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