i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
