Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
