Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
