it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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