I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
