It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
