took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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