Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
