You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also, beer. Big fan.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
