I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
