I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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