3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
