Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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