I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
