At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
