dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
