Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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