normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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