I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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