M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
