i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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